Well, I'm not going to lie...the last few weeks have been hard, much harder than I would have ever anticipated at this point in recovery.
I've been struggling with increased pudendal nerve pain and now lower back/gluteal pain issues as well. Over the last two and half years the pudendal nerve has reeked havoc on many of the muscles in my pelvic area. As a way to protect the pudendal nerve my glute muscles stopped firing properly, and as a result my pelvic muscles are over worked and stressed, they have become very weak or atrophied. The glutes have essentially been inactive for a very long time and as I'm trying to build my pelvic strength back up, it's made this part of my recovery a little more challenging and difficult.
For those who don't know much about the pelvic muscles, I'll give you a brief anatomy lesson. The glutes are a large group of muscles that make up the buttocks area of the body. The glutes are some of the strongest muscles in the body, they help us walk, stand, and sit. Many of you might be wondering what happens when the glutes don't fire properly? Let me explain, the other muscles surrounding the glutes take over and become overworked. My hamstrings, quads, hip flexors, and adductors muscles have now taken on the additional stress of helping my body move. I've been working with my PT to retrain my muscles how to fire properly, which is good in every way, except it's hard work and painful...so painful! When I get the motions right I know it, because at first it really hurts, it is starting to get better, but it's been a slow process. Over the last few month's my right side seems to be catching on a lot faster than my left. I see a clear distinction between my right and left side now and I often think to myself if my left side felt anything like my right, things wouldn't be too bad.
My left side is and has always been the most affected from the hysterectomy. My biggest issue over the last few weeks has been coming from my piriformis, a muscle in the gluteal region. The piriformis muscle controls almost every motion of the hips and legs. When the piriformis becomes aggravated it tightens up, in turn the tightness puts pressure on the sciatic nerve...ouch, the sciatic nerve has a mean bite! It's a vicious cycle of sorts, the less pain I am experiencing the more I feel like I can sit and do, the more I sit and do, the more the pudendal nerve and now piriformis muscle acts up, then the sciatic pain starts in on all the fun, which puts me straight down. With rest I always feel better and then I get up to start the whole vicious cycle all over again...who has time for this? This has been happening almost everyday over the last few weeks, it's a terrible feeling, once the piriformis starts to act up I feel stuck. No matter which way I move my leg I experience a sharp stabbing pain right in the middle of the left butt cheek, then it's not long before the pain starts shooting down my leg. I've been working on stretches, but the motions of the stretches are very difficult to do with sharp shooting pains. On occasion I've gotten lucky and caught the vicious pain cycle just in time to work it out, but too often it hits me without warning.
It just goes to show, that even though a couple of months ago as things were finally starting to feel somewhat normal, my body is letting me know I'm not completely ready to jump back into the swing of things quite yet. It's hard to find the right balance. For me balance is a fine line between feeling great and being productive, and simply over doing it without even being aware. When I'm feeling "somewhat normal" it's easy to get carried away and cross this fine line. Some days I wish this little fine line had a buzzer or an alarm to warn me that I've gone too far and to stop doing whatever it is that I'm doing. But...my figuratively speaking fine line has no such thing. Clearly my body senses when I cross the line, but unfortunately the alarms of pain seem to work on a delayed timer. I really hate feeling this way as if I'm tip toeing around my pain as to not make it any worse. My days have become very unpredictable and it's hard to get many things accomplished, on these unpredictable days I feel extremely worthless.
A couple of month's ago my days were more predictable, I knew my limits and if I stayed within my limits my pain stayed low throughout the entire day. As my days turned into weeks I started to feel more confident about testing the waters. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and started adding in some of the things that had been lost to PNE, and I'd missed doing for so long. I went to the movies, took a couple of road trips with my family, and gave sitting a try more than usual. It appears trying to step through the door of normal was too much for my nerve at this time and over the last few weeks I've been paying the consequences.
The new plan is to cut back on the sitting and hope I can get back to where I was. This doesn't mean I'm not going to attempt the movies or a road trip ever again, it just means I won't cram so much of it in all at once. It's good to test the waters every now and then. I know this attempt didn't work out exactly as planned, but I'm not going to let it discourage me and keep me down. I'm going to keep pushing along and keep trying!
Nothing ever stays the same, it will get better...it will!
