When Hope Is Shattered (part 2)

     Once I made it out to my car, I used the time to finally be whatever it was that I needed to be. Feeling sheer heartbreak, and mostly shock and disbelief, I cried, and I cried, my cry came with awful sounds, sounds are never good when accompanied with tears. I think with every step from the office, a piece of me was left behind, to where I felt completely stripped down, and completely vulnerable. My world was definitely spiraling out of control, all my hopes had suddenly came crashing down, everything about me seemed lost. In an instant I found myself somewhere unrecognizable, somewhere dark and lonely, I didn't know how I was going to find a way out of this hole of despair that I found myself in. I never felt more alone and scared "how will I ever move past this devastation", it seemed impossible.

     I was not at all prepared for news like that. I had no idea nerves could become so severely damaged with the surgery I had. I had no idea nerves could create such chaos in our in-betweens. It was never discussed with me prior to going in for surgery, what a terrible complication to suffer. I should have been informed of this rare complication, but I had absolutely no clue what so ever.

      I pulled myself together the best I could, so I could drive home. I couldn't turn off the tears they just wouldn't stop. I felt so bad for my babysitter, I had just went through the "ugly" cry and still had tears streaming down my face when I walked through the door, all I could say was "I just received some terrible news, and I am just trying to cope with and process what I just learned."

     I went straight to my computer, because that's where you go when you need more information. I typed in pudendal nerve entrapment and began to read. It described my symptoms exactly, how awful! I had a hard time processing what I was reading. I would read a few sentences and feel as if I was going to vomit, walk away, and come back and try reading some more, it was useless, it was way too much for me to take in, I was too overwhelmed by what I was reading and gave up.

     I continued to cry for the next four days. I cried in the shower, in the car, while making dinner, I cried myself to sleep, no matter how much I tried I couldn't pull myself together. I was in bad shape, I was out of control, and needed so desperately to find a way out of this dark hole I was stuck in. I decided to ask my husband for a blessing, so we called our home teachers and they were over to the house within twenty minutes. Thank you home teachers! Blessings are very powerful, this blessing definitely gave me some much needed strength, and peace, and with that I became grounded once again. My only question? "Why did I wait so long?" I know better, so I thought.

So thankful for the priesthood.......